"THE END OF THE RAVEN"

By: Edgar Allen Poe's Cat

On a midnight quite enchanting,
when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting
of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven,
in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven
perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I,
as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"

Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded
bust of Pallus I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered,
I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered,
as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curious and
weird decor-
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered,
standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered,
his two cents worth-"Nevermore."
While the dirge the birdbrain kept up,
oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly leapt up,
pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage,
and a little blood and gore-
Only this and not much more.

"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out,
"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout
talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity,
while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put an end to that damned ditty" -
then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered,
eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.



In probably the most disastrous decision my department has made since
giving me an assistantship, Yusef Komunyakka, who was being considered 
to fill the vacant creative writing chair left by Coleman Barks, was 
turned down. I was pleased, though, to see the following satiric blurb in the
local alternative paper, and taped it to my office door:

IS THAT A PULITZER IN YOUR POCKET...

....or are you just glad to see us? The UGA Department of English 
tenured faculty in a secret vote has declined to offer an endowed chair to a 
Negro poet, winner of the 1994 Pulitzer Prize and now teaching at a college 
in New Jersey, thus proving that the University of Georgia English 
department is obviously superior to that of Princeton. Go Dawgs!