From: The Great and Powerful Danny Sichel Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [rec.arts.comics.misc] Rob Laughs Last Date: 4 Oct 1997 22:44:02 -0700 [Submitter's note: "rob" = Rob Liefeld, much-reviled current "artist" of _Fighting American_, published by Awesome Comics.] Subject: Re: Rob Laughs Last From: Jim Smith Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc Every once in a while, there comes along a post that is _so_ off-the-wall, and _so_ ludicrous, that it defies resistance. "Reply to me!" the post beckons. "I'm completely nuts and you'll think of dozens of things to say about me!" This is one of those posts. Alfonso S Cardenas wrote: > > i have a friend who's thinking of buying FA #1, wiping his ass with it, > and mailing it back to rob. > should he? Sweet krunk, no. Then again, if you...er, I mean, _your friend_...had to poll for opinions, then he probably needs more than my advice. This guy needs _reasons_ not to do this. OK...this should provide a challenge... First, sending "ass-o-grams" has long been regarded as a very poor method of conveying one's opinion. (And not just for hatred...I once had one _hell_ of a reaction to my Christmas cards...but that's another story.) Rob may mistake this as a submission to Awesome, or maybe even as a Rorshach test. Or, he may know exactly what you (excuse me...your _friend_) meant, and mention it in public one day. "Some nut even sent me a copy..." Rob would say, his eyes tearing, "with...with...I can't go on!" And _then_ he's got the people's pity. Not what your friend is aiming for. Can you imagine Todd McFarlane weeping for Rob? I can, if Rob had just gotten a surprise like _that_... Another point: Fighting American and the...uh, _source material_ used in this comic are long-standing patriotic creations of Joe Simon and Jack Kirby. Would anyone _really_ want to soil these guys? I mean, a three-year-old can't draw the American flag all that well, but I'm sure not gonna spread my fecal matter on something it. (The drawing, not the kid. Well, BOTH the drawing and the kid...I'm confused.) Next, methane. Our doody is chock full of it, and that spells "flammible." You send that dirtied comic, some twit accidentally opens it while he's smoking, and the mess you should have left in your pants ignites. Then the flame spreads to (hmm...what in a mailroom would burn?) everything. Whichever shipping service you use is instantly crippled. (If it's UPS, comics don't ship. FedEx, the writers' _paychecks_ don't ship!) Worst case scenario, I know, but would *YOU* risk it? Sorry. Your friend. OK, now to the Fighting American. Oh, help me, Rob's ruined the Fighting American. You and I both have .edu accounts, so tell me: How many FA comics have been printed in our whole lives? Twelve, maybe? If Rob horribly maligned _this_ guy's costume with an eagle or something, would you even _know_? So why would you (or your friend) bother to pay three bucks to avenge some guy like _Fighting American_? I have one final reason for people not to wipe their unpleasant regions with comic books: Hygiene. OK, let's say you _bought_ a copy of FA. You know how many people have put their grubby mitts on that thing? That equals germs, pal. If your friend should have a cut on his butt cheeks (and if you use ANYTHING with staples on it to wipe, you will), he's probably as good as dead. And it'll be ALL YOUR FAULT, because YOU PRESSURED HIM INTO IT. In conclusion, I'd like to say to everyone out there that yes, I _did_ notice this fellow uses the same server as Christian Viola used to, and his post _did_ seem somewhat suspect. But I chose to throw caution in the wind. Adieu. (And Mr. Liefeld? You owe me...big time.)