From: jmackey@moonlink.net (Jim Mackey)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.pizza.delivery.drivers] Re: Life after Georges
Date: 1 Oct 1998 22:18:27 -0000

Subject: Re: Life after Georges
From: srheller@oz.net (S.R. Heller)
Newsgroups: alt.pizza.delivery.drivers

On 30 Sep 1998 05:48:26 GMT, mconrad@indiana.edu (Matt Conrad) wrote:

> Error_404 (mrman2908@yahoooo.com) wrote:
> 
> > >Hmmm . . . does the ordering of food constitute a contract? Any legal 
> > >minds want to tackle this?
> > 
> > Not unless it's in writing.  Verbal contracts are only as good as the
> > paper they're written on.
> 
> Aye, but it's still a contract, right? It seems to me that the main 
> question is whether the store can enforce the contract, not whether it 
> exists.

Well, I know that many municipalities have laws against "defrauding
innkeepers" (and similar quaint language) to cover the "dine and dash"
scammers and people who skip out on hotel bills. Is stepping into a
restaurant and ordering food different than ordering it over the
telephone? Hmm.

Either way, I say Judge Wapner should dump his new pet court gig and
start a new Pizza Court show.

Rusty: All rise, Pizza Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge
Wapner presiding!

Wapner: Be seated. Thank you, Rusty.

Rusty: Sure thing. <winks>

Wapner: <swings gavel suggestively> See you later. First case!

Rusty: Human Race v. WebTV.

Prosecutor: <rises> Your Honor, since this case involves pizza only in
so far as certain WebTV users invaded a peaceful pizza news group, we
feel that the case should be heard by another court, and since WebTV
users, with few exceptions, should be cast into the pit of Fiery Hell,
we move that the case be heard by God Almighty.

Wapner: Motion granted. <bangs gavel>

<defendants are carried up en masse into swirling light in the upper
atmosphere>

Wapner: Cool.

Rusty: Next case -- Certain Pizza Hut Employees, et al. v. Smith

Prosecutor: <rises> Your Honor, the Defendant is accused of being a
self-important ass who thinks everyone who receives any form of
monetary compensation from him becomes his personal slave.

Wapner: <turns to Defense bench> Defending counsel?

Defense: Your Honor, my client makes a lot of money. Nuff said!

Defendant: <puts down mobile phone, rises> That's right! I'm what's
called the "CUS-TO-MER" -- got that? Can you say that, huh? Is that in
your vocabulary? I give you MO-NEY, you give me SER-VICE.

Wapner: Not in this court.

Defendant: Excuse me? <feigns disbelief> I think you must have bad
acoustics in this crappy little courtroom, because <exaggerated look
of surprise>  I can't BELIEVE what I just heard you say!

Wapner: Sir?

Defendant: This is bullshit! This is totally unacceptable! I want to
talk to the manager! Now!

Wapner: Sir? Please ...

Defendant: What's your name? I want your name!  I don't think you're
going to be working here much longer, mister, because--

<Bailiff Rusty fires a TAZER straight into defendant's chest --
Defendant shrieks and falls to the ground, quivering violently>

Wapner: Hey man, nice shot.

Rusty: Heh. No problem, "dude". <winks>

<Defendant is carried out on a plank, twitching and screaming>

Wapner: Heh, heh, heh. Next case!

Rusty: Antonio's Pizza v. Jones.

Wapner: <reading paper> It says here you're accused of sending your
small child to the door to pay for pizza so you won't have to face the
driver when you don't tip. How do you plead?

Voice: Not guilty!

Wapner: Who said that? Will the Defendant please stand up?

Voice: I am.

Wapner: Will the Defendant please step up to the podium?

Voice: I am. I'm too small to see over.

Wapner: I'm sorry, are you... a midget?

Defendant: I'm six years old. My parents sent me out here with a note
for you.

Wapner: <bangs gavel> Guilty! Next case ...