From: fun@thingy.apana.org.au (David Gerard)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.gothic] Re: Alt.Gothic.Dorm.Room
Date: 25 May 1998 11:49:13 +0200

Subject: Re: Alt.Gothic.Dorm.Room 
From: Xandraius <moc.seiticoeg@suiardnax>
Newsgroups: alt.gothic

Chijin wrote:
> 
> Xandraius - The Black Drake <moc.seiticoeg@suiardnax> wrote in article :
> <snipped whatever he wrote, which I've forgotten, all except:>
> My curiousity, which will someday be the death of me, requires me to ask,
> "what was the night of the vaseline sponges?!!"
> Sounds like fun!<8D

   I had hoped someone would ask...

   After a long week of six of annoying dorm people who do not believe
in little common courtesies such as hygeine, quiet-while-asleep, and
other assorted things, I had suffered enough. A quick trip to the local
"HardWareHouseDepot" place got me big sponges... lots and lots of big
sponges. I then went to WallyMart and picked up lots of Vaseline...
enough to (I'm just guessing) sodomize a pachyderm. Next, I managed to
make some very funky smoke bombs from some model rocket engines (Open
'em up, empty 'em out...). 
   
   After a particularly LONG annoying night, they all started to drop
off. Finally... quiet. Out I slipped, wearing those cheap, ugly, yellow
dishwashing gloves. Dozens of sponges. Coated in Vaseline. Hallway.
Under doors. Bathroom. Everywhere. A cornucopia of lubrcated sponges.
Next was to plug all available drains in all water sources. Turn *ON*
said water sources. Start lighting smoke bombs (looked like the scene in
'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' when they get out of the van). Smoke,
glorious thick, choking, acrid smoke... EVERYWHERE! Worlds biggest
'bong-hit'... and the water is filling the hallway... and the sponges...
which have enough Vaseline on them to make 'em dangerous, but not enough
to keep water out... floor starts flooding.. I went to bed.
  
   The first bars of my symphony were smoke alarms, and beauteous it
was. Next were the groggy shouts and yells. Doors opening. The next
movement of this little piece was akin to the '1812 Overture' as I would
hear constant "What the fuck?!" ::slip.. *BOOM*:: and the sound of
bodies hitting the floor.. which was getting about two inches by now.
All of these college-genius boyz, and no one turned off the water. About
the time I was drifting off (Top bunk, all of my shit on shelves anyway,
no problems with water) and the fire department along with allll of the
'Officer Roscoe P. Coaltrain' campus cops showed up. What a farking
circus! <evil, evil smirk>

   Oh, did I mention that we got a new R.A., after they found evidence
in the old R.A.'s room? Sloppy bastard had a cash receipt for sponges
hidden in his room. Had some smokebomb stuff in a shoebox. Oh, and a
master-plan that was under some stuff. Someone tipped off the campus
cops, I guess (whistle, adjust halo). The *new* R.A. was Mormon. Quiet.
polite. Firm. I slept a lot after this. Now you know the sordid story of
the night (morning?) of the Vaseline Sponges. This should answer the
age-old question "How far will you go in the name of spite and
revenge."  Welp, Xan knows no upper limit thus far. There you have it.