From: guymacon@deltanet.com (Guy Macon)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.lang.basic] Re: quickbasic 4.5 - FREE download !
Date: 4 Oct 1999 20:33:12 -0000

Subject: Re: quickbasic 4.5 - FREE download !
From: Somebody <somebody@penis.com>
Newsgroups: alt.lang.basic, alt.dev.null, alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, 
 alt.fan.karl-malden.nose

Guy Macon wrote:

)In article <37f38cce.3210433@news.cableinet.co.uk>, 
)Daniel.Davies@cableinet.co.uk (Arclight) wrote:
)>
)>On Thu, 30 Sep 1999 00:21:12 GMT, inigo@montoya.net (D. P. Roberts)
)>wrote:
)>
)>>>That relies on you being christian, and Most people aren't so that
)>>>little rule means nothing to them, it is also far to inflexible to be
)>>>of any use.
)>>Good!  Since you feel that way, me and some friends will be over one
)>>of these days to relieve you of your computer, stereo, TV and other
)>>stuff.
)>You misunderstand, I believe that stealing is wrong in most
)>situations, but in some cases it can be justified, as is the case with
)>QuickBasic, and may even be necessary, such as in the case of someone
)>who will starve without stealing food or money to buy food,
)>TTFN
)>Arclight
)
)Which relates to programming in BASIC ... how?

<cue music>

You are about to enter a dimension.  A dimension not of sight and
sound, but of programs.  A dimension where a man can walk down a
for-next loop, and stumble over the step.

<music gets louder for several seconds, then fades away>

<fade in>
Woman: Daniel, I'm home!
Daniel: Did you bring me anything to eat?
Woman: I'm sorry, but the store was empty again.  All they had were
         several overpriced quick and dirty programs.  Probably 
         consultant work.
Daniel: But I haven't eaten in ages.  I'm so hungry, I could eat a 
         Microsoft product!
<Daniel picks up coat>
Daniel: I will goto see if I can find anything.  Maybe the vegetable 
         stand down the street still has some of that let $uce left.
<Daniel exits>


<The scene changes.  We see Daniel exit house number 10, and start
walking down the street, whistling.  We see the house numbers rising:
20, 30, 40, 50, ...  A man in uniform approaches Daniel.>

Daniel: Good afternoon, Officer Rand.

Officer Rand: Hello Danny.  Keeping out of trouble?  Not peeking and 
          poking where you don't belong, I hope.

Daniel: No, I've been reading lots of data for school recently.  No 
          time for play.

Officer Rand: Well, keep up the good work then.  'until later.
<Officer Rand and Daniel walk their seperate ways>
<fade out>

<fade in>
<Daniel approaches the vegetable stand>
Daniel: Good morning Ada, how are you today?

Ada: I'm not doing well, Danny.  The compiler gang took everything I 
          had.  C came in, and knocked me down before I even had a 
          chance to react, while his big brother, C++ nearly swallowed 
          everything whole.

Daniel: Everything?  You have nothing left?  Not even some let $uce?

Ada: Nothing.  They nearly evaluated my expressions too, but the 
          police siren scared them off.
<We see Daniel getting upset, as the scene fades out>

<As the scene fades in, we see Daniel hiding behind a wall, watching a
large building.  There are spotlights sweeping across the ground, and
armed sentries walk along the wall.>

<Daniel runs to a point on the fence, after two sentries walk past it.
He quickly climbs over the fence, and jumps to the ground on the other
side.  He then runs to the short squat building, dodging the
spotlights.  He reaches the wall, and rests against it for a moment.
Just his luck!  The loading/unloading bay is open.  He sneaks in.  He
sees several boxes of BASIC, and even some of that new Visual Basic
stuff.  He makes a bag out of his coat, and starts grabbing boxes.
Amazingly, the crew doesn't seem to notice, as they're on their coffee
break.  Luck is with Daniel today, it seems.  Daniel's coat can't hold
any more, so he lifts it up.  It's heavy, but it holds.  Daniel sneaks
out of the building the same way he got in.  We see him try to run
across the field to the fence, but the boxes are slowing him down.  A
spotlight catches his legs, and then swings back and focuses on him.
A klaxon begins to wail, as two more spotlights focus on him.  The
guards fire at him, and manage to shoot him in the leg.  Daniel falls.
Several guards run up to him, guns drawn and pointing at him.>

Sentry:  It looks like we caught another would-be pirate in the act.
           You seem to be more clever than most.  We probably wouldn't 
           have caught you if you weren't weighed down by that bloated 
           copy of Visual Basic.  But it appears that you will soon be 
           meeting our killfiles.

Daniel: (screaming) The system is corrupt!  The system is corrupt, I 
           tell you.  When a man has to steal to eat, it is time for 
           the common people to rebel!  The end of your oppressive 
           government is nigh!  Throw down your weapons and join me 
           in the--

<The sentry raises his gun>

Sentry:  'round these parts, the police aren't very effective, so we 
           feel forced to take the law into our own hands.  You're 
           going to goto the big sleep.

<we hear a shot fired as the scene snaps to black>