From: pap5@hotmail.com (vybp eeru (Incrytion Diluxe)) Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [alt.games.final-fantasy] A funnier AIM log. Date: 8 Jul 1999 23:54:54 -0000 Subject: A funnier AIM log. From: JT-2 Newsgroups: alt.games.final-fantasy Tekhne wrote: > > Chaplain Mog wrote: > Hmm. Well, the first three lines were of amusement, but the rest of > the conversation was quite boring. Having said that, it is probably > the funniest AIM log I've seen to date, which just goes to show how > boring you people are in a chat room. Makes me glad I don't have AIM. Well, i cant take credit for this, but here is a log courtesy of Zach Sinrod [Zwon on AIM]. Zwon: I AM SKELETOR, RULER OF THE UNDERWORLD. PAY HOMAGE TO MY WRATH... OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES! Skeletor: sure Zwon: OH..... I AM... TRUST ME Skeletor: ok Zwon: WHAT... DO YOU NOT FEAR MY EVIL INTENTIONS? Skeletor: what might they be? Zwon: OH.... THERE EVIL ALL RIGHT..... EVIL AS THE DAY IS LONG Zwon: AND YOU MUST PAY HOMAGE TO THEM.... LEST YOU SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!! Skeletor: ok Zwon: SO... DO YOU PAY HOMEGE, OR WILL YOU SOON FIND MY MINIONS UPON YOUR ABODE? Skeletor: minions? Zwon: YOU KNOW..... MY MINIONS... MY EVIL HORDES I SEND TO DO MY BIDDING Skeletor: I know what minions are, I was just wondering who they might be, how many you had etc. Zwon: THE MINIONS ARE ENDLESSES, AS THEY ARE THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN DAMNED TO HELL!! Skeletor: there's a hell? Zwon: OH YES, THERES A HELL Skeletor: So there must be a heaven too, huh? Zwon: YEAH, BUT I DONT COMMAND THEM Zwon: ONLY HELL Skeletor: I see--don't you think that whoever rules heaven might have something to say about your minions and the havoc which they wreak? Zwon: PERHAPS... BUT WHEN THAT DAY COMES, I SHALL WORRY ABOUT IT Zwon: UNTIL THEN, I SHALL WREAK HAVOC UPON THE EARTH.... LEAVING THE STECNH OF DEATH SATURATING THE WALLS IN WHICH OF VISIT Skeletor: i see. Well, good luck with the whole evil dominating the world thing--doesn't the king of the underworld have spellcheck? Zwon: NO.... I NEVER GOT AROUND TO GETTING ONE OF THOSE IM AFRIAD Zwon: VERY BUSY CONQUERING THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING... CANT SLIP OVER TO COMP USA AND BUT MYSELF A SPELL CHECK FOR 29.96 Skeletor: well, have your horde steal one next time they're ransacking a best buy. Zwon: I WRITE THAT IN MY SCHEDULE BOOK THANK YOU Skeletor: no problem Zwon: WE HAVE TREAD OFF-TOPIC... WHAT I REALLY NEEDED TO DISCUSS WITH YOU IS THAT I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME YOUR SCREEN NAME OR I SHALL CONQUER EARTH WITH MY UNDEAD MINIONS! Zwon: YOU SEE, I SIMPLY MUST HAVE YOUR SCREEN NAME. ESPECIALLY ME BEING SKELETOR AND ALL Skeletor: can't do it--I've had this screenname for 7 years Zwon: THEN I SHALL HAVE THE WORLD--FOR ETERNITY! Skeletor: besides, you'd get annoyed at all the misdirected mail and IMs that I get from people looking for Skeletor13 and other imposters Zwon: BUT I MEAN, COME ON, I'M REALLY SKELETOR. Skeletor: don't make me send hordak after you Zwon: I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE BATTLING HE-MAN AND THAT SWEET-CHEEKED GIRLFRIEND OF HIS Zwon: MAN, SHE IS BUILT LIKE THE BRICK WALL OF CHINA Skeletor: it's his cousin Zwon: ...WHICH I DESTROYED, OF COURSE. Zwon: I HAVE NO FRIENDS. Zwon: I AM A LONELY CONQUEROR Zwon: NOBODY LIKES ME Skeletor: what about your minions Zwon: SURE, THEY DO AS I SAY, BUT THEY ALL POINT AND LAUGH BEHIND BY BACK Zwon: IT'S NOT EASY NOT BEING ABLE TO KNOW IF THEY REALLY THINK MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, OR IF THEY'RE JUST LAUGHING BECAUSE THEY DO NOT WANT TO FACE MY WRATH Skeletor: hmm--I can see how that might be tough for a conqueror to handle Zwon: INDEED. Zwon: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYONE HAD ALREADY HEARD THAT PIANIST JOKE? Skeletor: hmmm...you should have brainwashed the joke from all of their memories so they wouldn't have known it anymore Zwon: BAH, I WOULD RATHER SEE THEM ALL TORTURED Zwon: I CAN TAKE ON THE WORLD MYSELF Zwon: IN FACT, SCREW THE WHOLE CONQUERING THE WORLD THING... I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE DANCING LESSONS Skeletor: not a bad idea Zwon: OR SELL FLOWERS Skeletor: evil flowers? Zwon: MY CAREER HAS REALLY GONE DOWNHILL AFTER HE-MAN WAS RELEASED... IT SEEMS NO DIRECTORS ARE INTERESTED IN AN UNDEAD WARLORD Zwon: I EVEN TRIED OUT FOR "YOU'VE GOT MAIL," BUT TOM HANKS BEAT ME TO IT Zwon: ME... MEG RYAN.. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MAGIC Skeletor: hollywood's pretty tough like that Zwon: I CAN'T EVEN GET A GOD DAMN JOB AT MCDONALD'S Zwon: I CAN'T AFFORD A THERAPIST Skeletor: you could work in a circus maybe--as a sad clown or something Zwon: MAYBE. DOES IT PAY WELL? Skeletor: oh yeah Zwon: YEAH, LIKE I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF THE OTHER DAY, "GEE, SKELETOR, THIS WORLD DOMINATION GIG IS NOT A BAD RAP, BUT IT REALLY DOESN'T PAY TOO WELL, DOES IT" Zwon: WHY NOT GET A NICE JOB... SAVE UP FOR A PENTHOUSE IN THE BAHAMAS? Skeletor: with good investments, you could have millions from being a clown in just a few years Zwon: YEAH, BUT COULD I REALLY SINK THAT LOW? Zwon: I WAS ONCE AN IDOL, I WAS LIKE THAT DICAPRIO FELLOW Zwon: I WAS ON THE COVER OF TEEN BEAT Skeletor: he sucks Zwon: YES, INDEED HE DOES. AND REST ASSURED, PATHETIC MORTAL, THAT LUCAS' DAYS ARE NUMBERED IF HE IS CAST AS ANAKIN FOR EPISODE II Zwon: BUT MAN... THE 80'S WAS A BAD TIME... I FELL INTO A BOUT OF DRUGS AND DEBAUCHERY Zwon: PROSTITUTES EVERYWHERE Skeletor: ryan philippe has already been named as a strong possibility Zwon: AH, YES. STUDIO 54. I USED TO HANG OUT THERE Zwon: LET'S SEE HOW FAST PHILLIPE IS CAST ONCE I SHOOT LIGHTNING BOLTS INTO HIS SKULL Skeletor: probably not too quickly Zwon: HO HO HO! Skeletor: santa claus is the devil? Zwon: I WAS LAUGHING, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL Skeletor: oh--sorry Zwon: WELL, "Skeletor," YOU HAVE IMPRESSED ME WITH YOUR CHARM AND ADVICE. I SHALL PURSUE THE SAD CLOWN GIG MOST LIKELY. Skeletor: good luck Zwon: AND REST ASSURED, THAT ONCE THE GLOBE IS CONQUERED, YOU WILL BE ONE OF THE FEW WHO WILL BE SPARED FROM MY KILLING HAND. Zwon: PERHAPS... Zwon: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, I AM SKELETOR, RULER OF THE UNDERWORLD. PAY HOMAGE TO MY WRATH... OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES! Skeletor: thanks. you got it. Take it easy, eh? Zwon: SURE THING. There, now that shit is FUCKING HILARIOUS.