From: KeyFiddler@aol.com
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [soc.culture.hawaii] Re: "Professional Hawaiians" (trashing of Hawaii culture)
Date: 11 Feb 1998 10:52:23 +0100

Subject: Re: "Professional Hawaiians" (trashing of Hawaii culture) 
From: smooth@aloha.net (George)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.hawaii

< (Message about the deep connection between eating and sex in Polynesia
snipped)... >

Sometimes I wonder how would our present society look like if the old
Polynesian taboos won. Imagine if free sex would be deemed normal and
desirable, while free eating penalized...

Milton Holt would be caught with a $21,000 restaurant bill, for one. Shop=
s
selling pornographic obscenities such as "Modern Kitchen" , and "Family
Cookbook" would multiply in Waikiki. The sidewalk on Kuhio would be full =
of
lunchwagen after 10pm. A few demagogue wannabes would try to whip up a
public outcry harping on family values, but no one would give a hoot.

The Church would hold that eating serves to preserve the human race, and
not "some lowly pursuit of animalistic urges" We'd be allowed to chose
_one_ kind of meal to eat for our whole life - and that would be it! We
could announce the choice in a big cathedral during a very moving
celebration... to the sounds of organ music, you would walk up with a lun=
ch
plate wrapped into white curtain ... a guy dressed funny would hold a
speech to which you would have to answera serious  "I do"... after, you
would invite the large public to a party where everyone would make love.

There would be a public referendum whether two foods belonging to the sam=
e
group should be allowed to marry. A few demagogue wannabes would try to
whip up a public outcry harping on family values, but no one would give a=

hoot.

Swinger pubs would prosper on each corner. The biggest fast fling chain
would be McDonalds, offering the McLibido for 66 cents including shower
("your everyday great value") and KFC with their "Lovin' made just the wa=
y
you like". Drug usage would hit hte rock bottom as people would rather
spend 66 cents at McDonalds to get light-headed.

Bill Clinton would face questioning for not sleeping with enough women.
Also for eating various foods, to which he would answer that he only chew=
ed
but didn't swallow. 12,000 laws would be enacted to curtail free eating,
out of which 11,998 here in Hawaii. The internet would be 80% food
pictures. A few demagogue wannabes would try to whip up a public outcry
harping on family values, but no one would give a hoot.

Humans being always obsessed with stuff that's forbidden or made difficul=
t
to obtain, eating would soon take on a whole different dimension.  It
wouldn't be just eating, it would mean so much more ! You would have to
question your _feelings_ about your chosen meal type if you are going
already to spend your life with it. The media would be full of articles,
like "How to find a mutually nurturing relationship with chicken katsu" =

"What to do if your roast beef doesn't understand you" and  "Should you
give the best years of your life to zucchini?" Scientists would argue tha=
t
a balanced diet consists of several different meals, but we would know th=
ey
are just a bunch of sicko, depraved perverts !

Oh well. We just have to outlaw something even if that makes no sense,
don't we. I wish we outlawed outlawing once already.
George