From: kirsten@molly.wellesley.edu (Kirsten Chevalier)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.religion.kibology] Re: Can I ask you a question?
Date: 7 Aug 1997 16:37:10 GMT

Subject: Re: Can I ask you a question?
From: tanner@aros.net (Stephen Tanner)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, rec.humor.oracle.d

On 4 Aug 1997 13:25:06 GMT, krueger@cs.hope.edu (John Krueger) wrote:

>Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

A restroom is not a sanitary place to get a Prince Albert.

>Who is John Galt?

I'm sorry, I cannot answer until you upgrade to version 2.0 of
that question:  Who is Harry Gant?

>What is the difference between one hand clapping?

Baaaaaaaad burritos.

>Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

To get to the same side.

>Why do fools fall in love?

Because if they fell in a vat of chocolate, they'd write a folk song
about it.  Wait a minute, they already did!
CURSE YOU, TOMMY SMOTHERS!

>Do you have to use a silencer when you shoot a mime?

Hell, you don't even need a gun!

>Are we there yet?

No, we're here.

Oops.  By observing our position, I changed our velocity.  Now we're
over there somewhere.  Heisenberg, you WEENIE!

>How do you see darkness?

By closing my eyes.  DUUUHHHHH.

>Why are you umop-ap!sdn?

Because I crossed the Moebius strip.

>If a tree falls in the woods, and it hits a mime, does anybody care?

You sound bitter.  Perhaps you'd like a copy of my new
Quake WAD.  I call it Mimesweeper.

>Can I suck your thumb?

No, but you can pull my finger.

>Does Harrison Ford drive a Chevy?

No, he drives a Taurus: The only car with a horoscope!  He needs it to
stay ahead of those replicants, like in Small Wonder.

>Does Chevy Chase live in El Camino?

When el Camino estoy rockin, don't tu be knockin'.

>Do they have LA Gear in San Fransisco?

Does Calvin Klein perfume come in 4-D bottles?

>Did M. C. Escher ever use an elevator?

There are no elevators or salmonella in the new McEscher.

McEscher: Good times, great taste, planar tesselations.

>Why does a still life usually show things that aren't still alive?

Because painters are DAMN SLOW.

>Is "no" the answer to this question?

No.  "No" is, not ""no"".

>Why don't you ask your answering machine?

Because he always *ZOT*s me!  Waaahhhhh!

>If Immanuel Kant, what makes you think Ghengis Khan?

Because if Yan Can Cook, SO CAN YOU!

[Music: Hark the Herald Angels Sing]
Martin Yan, he is our man
Holds a cleaver in one hand
Films a show down in San Fran
Uses lots of Kikkoman
Makes a nifty shrimp sautee
In the land where folks are gay
Martin Yan, he is our man
Ever guide us, Martin Yan

>Why did the Khmer kettle call the Pol Pot black?

Because it was rouge.

>Where does your lap go when you stand up?

Back to visit the reindeer of its homeland.

>Is it tomorrow yet?

Heck, by the time my server sends this it'll be NEXT THURSDAY.

>Do young Valkries ride in little red Wagners?

VALKYRIE NEEDS GAS...BADLY.

VAL KILMORE NEEDS ROLES...BADLY.

>Cn u rd ths?
ys.  ls, y mssd n vwl.  cnsdr gttng thckr tp.

>Which is cooler, James Dean or liquid Heleum?
                                       ^^^^^^
Archimedes, is that you, ya little dickens?

Liquid Girl Power is the coolest of all.
     THE SPICE GIRLS MUST FLOW.

>Why does the FAQ tell me where to find the FAQ?

Because you're supposed to return it there when you're done reading.
Frankly, I predict a hell of an overdue fine in your future.

>Is your refrigerator running?

How else would I get all this liquid Heleum?

>Isn't Moby Dick (the book about the big, white sperm whale) the most Freudian story you've ever read?
                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm glad you clarified.  I thought you were talking
about Moby Dick, the social disease.

>--
>-JJK

Advice: Stay away jrom grassy knolls.

(I hate how I'm honor-bound to answer all these, even though there's
only one that caught my fancy.  FOR BONUS POINTS, GUESS WHICH ONE.
FIND THE HIDDEN HUMOR.  VALKYRIE SHOT THE JOKE!)