From: bill@warthog.as.utexas.edu (Bill Jefferys)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [talk.politics.misc] NASA must adopt biblical pi
Date: 20 Jul 1998 06:28:13 GMT

Subject: NASA must adopt biblical pi 
From: gsmith@blazenetme.net (Gene Ward Smith)
Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc, misc.legal, sci.math, alt.politics.clinton

 NASA must adopt biblical pi 
 By I M Clueless

 WASHINGTON (Interdrudge) - It a stunning development, Chief Justice
 William Rehnquist of the Supreme Court turned down a last-minute
 appeal by NASA that it not be required to comply with the Biblical Pi
 Act of 2001, saying that the administration had failed to show that
 "irreparable harm" would result if the value pi=3 was substituted
 for the value now appearing in the programs NASA uses to control the
 operations of spacecraft.

 Just minutes before the deadline set for the space shuttle launch using
 the new values, Rehnquist issued a two-page order that cleared the way
 for NASA to launch using the new value of pi under the supervision of
 Grand Inquisitor Newtron Starr.

 In a written statement, the agency expressed concern about the
 consequences."While we accept the decisions of the courts, and will
 comply with court orders, it remains our professional opinion that
 recognition of the traditional value for pi is critical to our mission,"
 it said.

 Rehnquist refused to block the shuttle launch temporarily while
 the administration pressed its underlying appeal asking the Supreme
 Court to create a special privilege allowing government scientists and
 mathematicians to use the former value of pi.  "Because several of my
 colleagues are out of the country, I have decided to rule on the matter
 myself rather than interrupt their vacation with trivia" he said.

 The Court of Appeals expressed irritation with the fact that the
 government mathematicians were adamant in thinking that pi cannot
 possibly really be three, but could not explain why they felt this to
 be true in a way which made sense to the judges.  "Common sense tells
 us that even if pi isn't exactly three, the difference cannot amount
 to much" the judges wrote.

 Appeals court Judge Laurence Silberman issued a separate concurring
 statement denouncing the administration's position.

 "The attorney general is, in effect, acting as the agency's counsel
 under the false guise of representing the United States," he said.
 "Only Inquisitor Starr, who represents the true values of the American
 people, can be allowed to determine what is and what is not a correct
 expression of values, whether of pi or of anything else.  To declare
 war on the Grand Inquisitor is to declare war on the United States
 of America."

 Lawyers and judges expressed general satisfaction with the ruling.
 While some felt that the shuttle might indeed crash, there was a
 consensus that upholding the principle of the Rule of Lawyers was
 more important.  "Judges are more intelligent and better informed that
 other people, or they would not be judges" one opined.  Some in other
 professions expressed reservations.  One prominent biblical scholar,
 on condition of anonymity, went so far as to claim that the value of
 three for pi cannot be found in the Bible at all, and suggested that
 the mathematicians might therefore be correct.