From: Dean Lenort <dean.lenort@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.religion.kibology] GRAND COMPETITION: This week's winners!
Date: 10 Oct 1997 01:30:02 -0700

[Submitter's note:  Mr. Salt asked people to send him phrases that he
might insert into his lectures.  The first week's winners follow.]

Subject: GRAND COMPETITION: This week's winners! 
From: John.Salt@brunel.ac.uk (John D Salt)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology

Well, that went as well as can reasonably be expected.

The results of this week's GRAND COMPETITION are as follows:

THE WINNING PHRASE:  "Don't mess with me or I'll give you the BADGER!"

Congratulations to our lucky winner.  Your silica gel is awaiting
collection, under the conditions previously specified by Mr. Piano.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: "Avast, ye prolapsed dogs!"
		and: "All significant variables are set by chimpanzees."

I have to confess that I muttered rather over the prolapsed dogs, so
some impact may have been lost.  The chimpanzee phrase was seamlessly
woven into the context of a discussion of data-flow diagramming, so
no reaction was observed from the vict^H^H^H^H  experimental subjects.

"Don't mess with me or I'll give you the BADGER!" succeeded in producing
nervous titters from a good third of the class.  I look forward with
confidence to complaints to the Dean.

SPECIAL PRIZE: "Toxic Death Bean" was considerd by the judging panel
to be such a thoroughly splendid phrase that I shall be attempting
to insert it into my forthcoming keynote speech to the IEEE conference
on Cybernetics, Systems and Man in Orlando on Oct 15th.

SPECIAL MENTION: Although ineligible under the rules of this
competition, special mention must go to my colleague Dr. Simon Taylor,
who apparently started his lectures for CS3024A (Networked Organizations
and Distributed Systems) roughly as follows:

"Distributed systems -- What are they made of?  Where do they come from?
They're made of STRING!  Yes, good old string.  You know where you are
with string!"

I believe that no more than one-fifth of the class actually wrote
this down in their notes.

The competition will be resumed the week after next, when I return in
[triumph | a body-bag | a drunken stupor] from Orlando.

Let's be having those entries.  Roll up!  Roll up! As Phineas must
have said to Fat Freddy at some time.

All the best,

John.
[Are there any kibologists in Orlando who'd like to meet over a
 jug of Pimm's?]