From: "Ian D. Porter" Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [uk.singles] The Perfect Day... Date: 22 May 1999 00:28:00 -0000 Subject: The Perfect Day... From: Liz Newsgroups: uk.singles Hi guys, Thought you might appreciate this. Hoep you Monday was a breeze..... he Perfect Day For Her:- 8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8.30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday, look fabulous with no make-up 8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice & croissants; open presents, expensive jewelry given by thoughtful partner 9.15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant aromatherapy oils 10.00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer 10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, and comb-out 12.00 Free lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe 12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice she's gained 15kg 1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 3.00 Nap 4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 4.15 Light workout at club, followed by massage from strong, gentle hunk who says he's rarely worked on such a perfect body 5.30 Choose outfit for dinner from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror - and look stunning 7.30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers 10.00 Long hot shower (alone) 11.00 Pillow talk, light touching, cuddling, free orgasm (no effort needed on your side) 11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms For Him 6.00 Alarm (ignore it) 6.15 Woken with blowjob 6.30 Massive satisfying dump while reading sports section, shower 7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench 7.30 Limo arrives 7.45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport 8.15 Flight in personal Lear jet 9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blowjob enroute) 9.45 Play front 9 (2 under) 11.45 Lunch: 2 dozen oysters, 3 Crown lagers and a bottle of Perignon 12.15 Blow job 12.30 Play back 9 (4 under) 2.15 Limo back to airport (Bombay gin and tonic) 2.30 Fly to Great Barrier Reef 3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude) 4.30 Land world record Marlin (1243lbs) on light tackle 5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by world famous super model of choice 6.45 Shit, shower, shave 7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated, President/ Prime Minister of country animal farm video released and authenticated 7.30 Dinner: Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak, bottle of Grange 9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Partagas cigar in front of the wall size TV as you watch the highlights of your country thrashing every other country (any sport you like) 9.30 Sex with 3 women (preferably with lesbian tendencies) 11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale 11.30 A nightcap blowjob 11.45 Bed (alone) 11.50 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the Rottweiler to leave the room 11.55 Sleep