From: Canadian Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [rec.sport.basketball.pro] Annnnd now......#91 power forward...ORRRRRRGASM!! Date: 6 May 1997 10:59:01 -0700 [Submitter's note: Dennis Rodman recently said he was planning to change his name to "Orgasm".] Subject: Re: Annnnd now......#91 power forward...ORRRRRRGASM!! From: willwink@informatik.rwth-aachen.de (Lutz van Hasselt) Newsgroups: rec.sport.basketball.pro Orgasm - Drama in two acts The cast: Orgasm, Ervin Johnson, Penny Hardaway, Avery Johnson, John Long, David Wood, Kevin Johnson, Woody Workman, Eddie Johnson, Willie Anderson, Marv Albert, Bill Walton Act 1 Marv: So here's the opening tip...and it's Wood, to Hardaway... Bill: Where's Johnson? Where is Johnson? Marv: Workman takes it upcourt... Bill: Here comes Woody. Marv: ...takes it to the hole... Bill: Here comes Woody! (Rodman blocks Workman's layup attempt.) Bill: Orgasm! Marv: Well played. Now...Willie Anderson grabs the ball from Hardaway... Bill: That's some nice ballhandling there, Marv. Marv: He is very quick with his hands. Willie gets it to Orgasm...He scores! Bill: Orgasm is just what this team needs. Marv: You know what, Bill, I really can't see why everyone is always complaining about Orgasm. Bill: I think David Stern has some very serious problems with Orgasm. Marv: They keep saying Orgasm is bad for the image of the NBA. Bill: I can't say anything bad about Orgasm, Marv. Marv: My kids love Orgasm, too. Bill: All the excitement and the energy that comes with Orgasm. Marv: He sets off a huge spark when he enters. Bill: The mere thought of Orgasm coming is uplifting for everyone. Marv: Indeed...it's Hardaway, Johnson...gets it to Long. Bill: Too long? I don't know, Marv. Marv: He tries to sink it in. (Rodman blocks John Long's shot.) Bill: ORGASM! Again! You know, the secret behind it all is a change of tempo every once a while. Marv: And don't forget the basics, Bill. Use the opposite hand as well. Bill: Of course you need a good rotation to start with. (Timeout, commercial break.) Act 2 (End Hardaway commercial.) Bill: Haha, lil' Penny is a wonderful thing! Marv: And so the action continues. Penny does not get up to re-enter, he is still exhausted. Bill: Really wonderful. Marv: And it's Johnson sneaking in from behind...slaaaam dunk! Bill: Did you see just how high Johnson was rising? And how quickly he got up! Marv: Wood let it slip away. He just can't get it going today. Bill: Now that's what I call a big stiff. Marv: Now it's Johnson going inside strong. (Rodman blocks AJ's shot.) Bill: OR-GAS-MMM! The third in a row! Yeah, baby! Marv: Bill? Bill: MASTERFUL job. Marv: Uh...Bill? Bill: That's the best Orgasm ever. Marv: BILL?!? Bill: You know, I LOVE Orgasm! Marv: BIL-LY!!! Bill: Sure, Marv, I got one left. Here you go. (Flagrant foul by Rodman on KJ who drops to the floor.) Marv: Orgasm comes down hard on Johnson. Bill: He's fallen and he can't get up. Marv: Looks like a fractured bone, Bill. Bill: That was a fatal blow, Marv. (Hardaway challenges Rodman, Eddie Johnson attacks Hardaway and punches are thrown. After a while Rodman interferes and holds back Hardaway.) Marv: What's up? Bill: He was striking Johnson until Orgasm came. (Curtain. Applause.)