From: David Shivak <shivakd@fhs.csu.McMaster.CA>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [talk.politics.misc] Re: Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark
Date: 2 May 1998 08:43:01 -0700

[Submitter's note:  ARA = animal rights activist, PETA = People for the 
Ethical Treatment of Animals.]

Subject: Re: Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark 
From: Michael Patton <zzendog@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc, talk.politics.animals, misc.consumers.house, 
 rec.pets.dogs.behavior

Rat & Swan wrote:
....

>   Neither PETA nor any ARA I know has ever said dogs should not
>   exist.  What they have said, and I agree with, is that many
>   existing breeds are unhealthy and deformed, and that domestic
>   dogs should be phased out and the species returned to the wild.
>   This is possible: the existance of the Australian dingo is proof.


Alright Ratman, listen up.  I'm the most powerful figure in the Cyberdog
Universe,  and quite possibly the Most Talented Dog Trainer who has ever
lived. 

FYI, I'm the one usually responsible for slamming breeders.  Thanks for
your help, but let me explain why anyone who believes the nonsense you
just spouted is a poster child for mental and sociocanopolitical
infertility and ineptitude.

OK, fine, so breeders have screwed up many breeds, fine.  But even so,
even the dogs who are screwed up are still members of perhaps mankind's
finest invention...the dog.  Forget computers, forget penicillin, forget
sliced bread. 

Obviously, you're a technocratic fool who has never lived with a dog,
and developed the kind of relationship which can't be developed with any
other species.  The dog is a bridge and a link to the natural world,
perfectly and blissfully content to exist as a companion and teammate of
man.  In fact, most dogs are even happy to exist as a SLAVE to man. 

Now, my dogs aren't slaves, they're teammates, and they are 2000%
happier and more fun to be around than most people.  So what you, and
your fucking moron PETAphile friends believe, is that since you wouldn't
want to eat out of a dog bowl and chew rawhides and run around in the
park, that all dogs should be "set free" and returned to the wild like
the Dingo.

That would make them a predator, and they would get the shit shot out of
them, as idiot farmers will shoot a dog who isn't even hunting, never
mind a wild dog.  And they would get their asses run over by maniacs
like you driving down the roads and freeways 30mph over the speed limit
with no regard for safety, oblivious to any other life form.

And know what those predators would do, they'd attack ungulates and
other large mammals, pull them down and start eating them while still
alive.  But in your simple mind, you don't care about prey animals, I
guess you don't have room in them in your compassionately
compartmentalized heart.

Sure, the dogs would be free, but not in the pristine nature preserve
that your simple little mind is envisioning, they'd be free in the most
hostile environment ever designed for a predator, modern day America.

In short, you fucking morons would get rid of pets and that means people
with pets will have to fill the void in their lives by finding or
producing more humans, the most vile, destructive and violent member of
the animal kingdom, all joining together running amock across the globe
wiping out other species at even faster rates than we currently enjoy.

You ARA people have some points to make, so why don't you stick to
them.  The main thing you need to be focusing on is the inhumanity of
the treatment of farm animals.  You start coming after dogs in the wrong
way like you just did above, and it's like taking an ax and swinging it
into the bottom of the flimsy dugout canoe which is your agenda.

I have no desire to join up with all the hunter/farmer/medical/we can do
whatever the fuck we want to animals crowd....but you come with this
weak shit on dogs and I'll torch worse than all of them combined. 
Understand that RatBoy, this ain't not game. 

You're in MY DOMAIN now Ratboy...

Concentrate on the rats, and the chickens and the pigs and the factories
and leave dogs up to me.  Once again, thank you for your help.  Now go
get yourself some cheese.


The World Famous ZenDogMaster
King of the Cyberdog Universe
Changing the Muzzle of Dog Training
BOOK, VIDEO and MORE coming in 1998