From: Fabian Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [soc.culture.japan] Re: Yakuza aim to please Date: 14 May 1999 16:16:00 -0000 Subject: Re: Yakuza aim to please From: mtcash@usit.net (Michael Cash) Newsgroups: soc.culture.japan, fj.life.in-japan On Fri, 07 May 1999 07:15:32 -0800, nekomaru@excite.com (neko maru) wrote: >Michael wrote: > >>I've seen photos of that. Other than making one immensely popular with the >ladies, I can't imagine the appeal. > >Where can I see that photos @_@ ? Tell me, Michael, how can I obtain that >photos? > >> I would imagine the presence of the pearls makes it a little difficult to >use the self-service pump in the gas station of love....... > >Really? How? What do you want? 1st semester: Male Masturbation 101 5 semester hours, including 3 hours lab work. Required materials include Hustler magazine and paper towels. Students may purchase used copies of Hustler at the Student Union. A limited number of Playgirl copies are available for homosexual students. Be advised that the Student Union will only repurchase those copies with NO pages stuck together. Students with a lack of self-control may wish to purchase a transparent overlay the size of an opened magazine. 2nd semester Male Masturbation 102 5 semester hours, including 3 hours lab and occasional field trips to local porno theaters. Prerequisite: MM101 or equivalent experience. Advanced placement available by CLEP. MM102 will build upon basic skills from MM101 and introduce advanced techniques such as switching hands without missing a stroke. 3rd semester Masturbatory Lubricants 201 4 semester hours, all lab and field work. Prerequisites: MM101, MM102. Students will do comparative studies on the use of such tried-and-true favorites as Jergen's Lotion and Johnson and Johnson's Baby Oil. Emphasis is on individual research and experimentation. Disclaimer: University is not responsible for injuries. It is the individual student's responsibility to read package labels. A previous student's "Dran-O Project" led to disastrous results. 4th semester Masturbatory Slang 201 3 semester hours. All classes conducted in the English Department. Learn the origins of such colorful terms as "spanking his monkey", "jerkin' his gherkin" and "choking his chicken". No prerequisites, but required for students majoring in Masturbation. Internet for Masturbators 201 4 semester hours. All lab work. Classes conducted in the Computer Department. Classes conducted by Computer Science undergraduates, who can generally qualify for a second major in Masturbation anyway. Caution: PROLONGED VIEWING OF MONITOR MAY INDUCE EYE STRAIN!! Your mother was right, it *will* make you go blind. 5th semester Physiology and Ergonomics of Masturbation 301 5 semester hours. Open to majors only. Prerequisite: Human Anatomy 101, 102. Examine anatomical considerations of masturbation. Some cadaver work is required. Not for the squeamish. May be audited on a non-credit basis students who suffer from frequent "tennis elbow". 6th semester Masturbation Abroad 301 Semester abroad studying masturbation theory, technique, and taboo in foreign countries. Prerequisites: completion of Freshman and Sophomore foreign language course appropriate for destination country. While not required for graduation, the semester abroad is highly recommended for those envisioning pursuing an advanced degree in Masturbation. 6th semester Masturbation Community Service 301 5 semester hours, all field work. Required of students not participation in Masturbation Abroad 301. Students will spend time at local elementary schools educating youngsters in the joys of self-manipulation. Students will have weekly discussion group meetings with Dr. Jocelyn Elders to consider teaching points. 7th semester Masturbation for Public Officials 401 8 semester hours. Required for all Political Science majors who plan to become bureaucrats. Learn the basics of jerking people off. Masturbation for Public Officials 401-T 10 semester hours. Similar to MPO 401, but specially designed to meet the extra needs of Accounting majors who plan to work for the IRS. Learn to jerk taxpayers off like a pro. 8th semester Preparation for CME / SIERTP License 402 10 semester hours. Seminars designed to review knowledge and build stamina and endurance for students seeking licensing as Certified Masturbation Educators or Self-Induced Endorphin Release Therapy Practitioners. So you see, Neko-chan, that it is difficult to give you an answer to your question. It is not until the beginning of the Junior year (PEM 301) that the course material answering your question is covered. To the best of my knowledge, the matter of the pearls isn't covered at all in the US curriculum. Your best bet (based on the outline above) would be to ask someone who is on their research semester abroad in Japan.