From: Marcel van Kervinck <marcelk@stack.urc.tue.nl>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.folklore.computers] What is a "mainframe" ?
Date: 28 Jul 1996 01:48:42 GMT

From: Tom Harrington <tph@oddjob.uucp>
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: What is a "mainframe" ?

Tim Shoppa (shoppa@alph02.triumf.ca) wrote:
: Don Glover, the younger (wildthing) <corwyn@oz.net> wrote:
: >>Micro: You can throw it
: >>Mini:  You can push so that it will fall over
: >>Mainframe: You need earthmoving equipment to move it
: >>Tor.
<snip>

: How about these definitions:

: Micro: you could lose your keys inside of it and not realize it till later.
: Mini: you could lose your VTVM inside of it and not realize it till later.
: Mainframe: you could lose your TEK 545 scope inside of it, on its cart, inside
:    of it and not realize it till later.

This thread has been pretty interesting.  Here's my own not-quite-serious
spin on the question:


It might be a mainframe if...
-----------------------------

If you could kill someone by tipping it over on them, it might be a
mainframe.

If the only "mouse" it has is the one living inside it, it might be a
mainframe.

If you need earth-moving equipment to relocate it, it might be a
mainframe. (thanks to Tor Sjowall)

If you've ever lost an oscilloscope inside of it, it might be a
mainframe. (thanks to Tim Shoppa)

If it's big enough to be used as an apartment, it might be a
mainframe.

If it has ever had a card-punch designed for it, it might be a
mainframe.

If it weighs more than an RV, it might be a mainframe.

If lights in the neighborhood dim when it's powered up, it might be a
mainframe.

If it arrived in its own moving van, it might be a mainframe.

If its disk platters are big enough to cook pizzas on, it might be a
mainframe.

If Michael Jordan would need his entire annual salary to buy one, it
might be a mainframe.

If keeping all of the manuals together creates a fire hazard, it might
be a mainframe.

If it's so large that a dropped pen will slowly orbit it, it might be a
mainframe.

If it's ever been mistaken for a refrigerator, (or if the disk drive
has ever been mistaken for a washing machine), it might be a
mainframe.

If anyone has ever frozen to death in the room where it's kept, it
might be a mainframe.

If it has a power supply that's bigger than your car, it might be a
mainframe.

If it has its own postal code, it might be a mainframe.

If the operators considered the addition of COBOL to be an upgrade, it
might be a mainframe.

If it was designed before you were born, it might be a mainframe.

If its main power cable is thicker than your neck, it might be a
mainframe.

If the designers have since died from old age, it might be a
mainframe.