From: dean.lenort@worldnet.att.net (Dean Lenort) Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [alt.religion.kibology] Re: The Spice Girls Still Suck Date: 21 Oct 1997 19:16:19 GMT Subject: Re: The Spice Girls Still Suck From: jaffo@onramp.net (Jaffo) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology I just had a thought. If the media ever needs to interview an expert on Kibology, they'll probably pick Lee. I can see the first question now. "Mr. Bumgarner, what is this 'Kibology' you're always talking about?" "Well, it's kind of like a special community on Usenet." "So, it's like The Well?" "No no, it's NOTHING like The Well. Kibologists are bitter, mean-spirited, immature individuals who cluster together to mock other people and compensate for their own insecurities." "I see. So, this is very different from The Well, where people discuss social issues, exchange points of view, and develop emotional connections and personal relationships?" "Yes. Also, The Well sucks and Kibology doesn't." "We'll have to edit that part out. Does Kibology offer message boards, like The Well?" "No no, Kibology isn't a service, it IS a message board." "Oh, you mean like a Well conference?" "No. You use a Usenet Newsreader. And the content isn't moderated, anyone can post anything they want." "So, it's like some kind of 'unregulated' Well conference? Are you accusing The Well of censorship, Mr. Bumgarner?" "No, it's not like that. Look, Kibology is a NEWSGROUP. The group is called alt.religion.kibology. It's a discussion group on USENET." "I see. So it's like a Kibology conference on the Usenet service? Who runs it? Where is it based? I've never seen it in San Francisco." "No, it's not located anywhere. It's like, distributed. The messages are passed around to different computers." "So people download the messages, like reading a Well conference? Does Usenet support Netscape and Internet Explorer?" "No, well, yes, I mean...kind of, but it's not just on ONE server in ONE place. The messages are passed around to lots of little servers all over the world. You can read Usenet with a browser, but you can also use special software for it." "Okay, so each Conference is hosted by someone, like on The Well? Where is the Kibology conference hosted? Who runs it?" "Nobody runs it. It just kind of exists." "So it's an anarchy? Who pays for the server?" "Everybody. I mean, nobody. I mean, since there are so many little servers, it doesn't cost anything...well, I mean, it does cost something, but..." "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Just tell me, who runs the Usenet service? Do you have a phone number? Do they have an office in San Francisco?" "You're not paying attention! Nobody runs Usenet! Nobody OWNS Usenet!" "What about this 'Kibo' person? If he doesn't own Usenet, why does everyone write about him all the time? Does he host the Kibology Conference?" "OH FUCK THIS! YES! YES! Kibo is the owner of Usenet, Inc. He controls 51% of the stock in the company, and the Kibology Conference is where he issues pronouncements telling all of us what we should be talking about." "Ah ha! Now we're getting somewhere! See, Mr. Bumgarner, these interviews are much easier when you stop evading my questions. So this, James Parry, he owns a controlling interest in Usenet, and he uses this conference to promote or discredit certain points of view?" "Whatever you think." "I notice that you make a reference to 'Kibology.' Is this a religion? Is Kibo some kind of 'Cult Leader'?" "Sure. Why not." "It's all starting to make sense now. Thank you for your time." "Oh, and I almost forgot, Kibology is funny. Sometimes. Every now and then. When they're not making fun of me. Also, everything you said for the last five minutes is complete bullshit." "I'm sorry, Mr. Bumgarner, our time is up. My plane leaves in 20 minutes. I have to be back in San Francisco by noon. Microsoft has released IE 4.01 to correct a java flaw, and we're running a three-page color spread." The resulting lead paragraph? A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The Well, Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred, anger, cyber-elitism, and GenX angst. Kibology is the creation of James "Kibo" Parry, a brutal dictator who rules his "Usenet" service with a fist of iron. Ordinary people on the service are terrified of him. They live in constant fear of a "Kibo" followup. Kibo sends out messages from his "Kibology" conference, a creation of the man's enormous ego. A place for supplicants to gather and "worship" him. And the concluding paragraph: Kibology is an inevitable byproduct of the Information Superhighway. The Internet offers many benefits to ordinary people, but there is a downside to this new technology. I don't know about the rest of you, but this reporter is sticking to The Well. I think it would be a lot more fun if they tried to interview Lisa Higgins about Kibology. "Scuse me, Miss Higgins? We'd like to talk to you about Kibology." "EAT A BOWL OF FUK, YOU STINKING PRICK! PRAY I DON'T FUKKEN KILL YOU ALL!" "Uh, right. Sorry to bother you. Thanks for your time." "I am a tangerine flower, melting in the heat of your ignorance, I giggle likea blind virgin, dreaming of your death." "Please Miss Higgins, put down the knife!" "Be my friend or I'll eat your liver and wear your eyes on a chain around my neck." I think we can all say which of these encounters would give the reporter an accurate picture of Kibology. BOTH OF THEM! THE END Jaffo P.S. Doing impressions of Lisa Higgins is one of the greatest joys in my life.