From: Guy Macon Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [soc.religion.quaker] a basic question on peace Date: 30 Oct 1997 08:41:00 -0700 Subject: Re: a basic question on peace From: warlock@nortel.ca (Jacky Mallett) Newsgroups: soc.religion.quaker Guy Macon wrote: >Notice the size of the armies that Mexico and Canada have to >meet the constant threat of a U.S. invasion. Why so small? > Newsflash. Ottawa, January 2013 Ottawa Quakers called for donations today to an emergency snowsuit fund for american soldiers, as the latest wave of invaders was stalled by a snowstorm outside Toronto. As american tanks were halted by massive snowdrifts on the 417, the RCMP denied that it has been assisting american marines with directions to Ottawa. "I told them it was near Toronto", said one RCMP officer, "but they said they knew that already". Canadian meterologists dismissed claims by the US military that winter temperatures of -20 and below were unusually cold. 'If they think that's bad, wait until they get to Calgary' one senior meterologist commented. Meanwhile the Ontario government announced that savings in the snow removal fund caused by the american invasion would be used to cover additional social assistance costs for new canadian citizens. A total of 10,000 US soldiers have now accepted canadian citizenship as part of the invasion response program. The package which offers immediate citizenship for soldiers and their families, including all health costs, membership of the canadian pension fund, free education, housing and a resettlement allowance for the west coast, has been extremely popular with the older rank and file. The success of the program is being attributed in part to local relief efforts to assist american soldiers poorly prepared for winter conditions. As local towns provided hot food and blankets to the troops, american GI's were amazed by canadian hospitality. "These people are really nice", said one GI who reported being shot at during one holiday in Chicago. Reports that the high rate of breakdown experienced by american troop carriers was due to bottles of blue coloured water labelled anti-freeze being distributed to canadian petrol stations were strenously denied by the Canadian government. 'Mislabelling of consumer products can be extremely dangerous, and will be prosecuted under the Sale of Goods Act', stated an official. Meanwhile in Florida, the takeover of the state government by Canadian Snowbirds has continued into its third week. Attempts by the national guard to move in were blocked by senior citizens who have built an ice rink on the main freeways using snowmakers smuggled in from Quebec. "They just don't have any winter driving experience down here, eh", said one pensioner, armed with a submachine gun bought at a local gun store. Concerns raised by Congress over the availability of weapons to foreign nationals, were condemned by Florida gun shop owners as 'anti-competitive'. European observers have expressed surprise over the latest american agression, so soon after the acknowledged fiasco of the recent Mexican takeover. Relief efforts in San Diego are continuing after the massive exodus from Mexico City to California. Immigration officials stated they were unable to stop mexican-americans from traveling north in search of work now that the border has been dismantled. In Washington today, Senate members called for emergency debate as opinion polls for the Presidential elections continued to show the Mayor of Mexico city in first place, with 98% support amongst the mexican community. State officials have acknowledged that granting US citizenship to all mexicans immediately following the takeover may have been premature. ;-)