From: Kimmo Pyykko <kimmo@cc.hut.fi>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [rec.autos.sport.f1] THE FORMULA ONE INSIDER - #15
Date: 1 Sep 1997 10:29:00 -0700

Subject: Re: THE FORMULA ONE INSIDER - #15 
From: mitchmcc@ultranet.com (Mitchell McCann)
Newsgroups: rec.autos.sport.f1

kim@foca.co.uk (Kim Andrews) wrote:

>opus@pipeline.com (Mark J. Frusciante) wrote:
>
>>mitchmcc@ultranet.com (Mitchell McCann) wrote:
>>->opus@pipeline.com (Mark J. Frusciante) wrote:
>>->>mitchmcc@ultranet.com (Mitchell McCann) wrote:

Have you got all that? And how is that your message can take longer to
go from New York to Boston than it does from New York to England and
back  to Boston? I know the internet was designed to withstand a
nuclear attack, I just hope it wasn't intended as the method of
communicating before, during and after said attack......

T minus 40 minutes
Soviet Union launches nuclear attack on United States.

T - 39
U.S. notes missile launch and prepares retalitory strike.

T-30
President pushes the button and calls Paula Jones for one last try.

T-25 (PENTAGON, Washington, DC)

General Knowledge: "The birds are flying, gentleman. How are we going
to notify the American people."

CIA spook: "Just tell them its a bunch of weather balloons."

General: "Didn't we use that one already?  Shouldn't we be telling
them to duck and cover, or something."

Major Look: "Will that help?"

General: "No. Not really. Look. What about this emergency broadcast
system thingy? Shouldn't we use that?"

Major: "We already tried sir but it just keeps going
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......."

General: "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I get the picture.  What about this
internet thingy. Isn't that supposed to be nuke-proof? Corporal! Log
on to the internet immediately!"

Corporal Punishment: "Yes sir. PPP, SLIP or shell?"

General: "Whichever one is cheapest."

Corporal (winking): "Sir, I know somebody that can get us five free
hours on AOL."

General: "Make it so."

Private Parts: "T minus 20 and counting."

Corporal Punishment calls his friend who assures him that he can get
him the AOL software, 5 hours free access,  a "fire-damaged" VCR  and
a bootleg Spice Girls tape for $75.  
 
Private: "T minus 10 and counting"

Corporal: "OK, sir. We're in. Where would you like to begin?"

General: "Let's start at the beginning. What's the first group?"

Corp: "Alt. abortion, sir" 

General: "OK. Type this:

	Subject: YOU MUST READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR
LIFE

	Dear abortionists. I have not posted here very much but I have

	been interested in abortion for a long time. You must take 	
	five minutes to read this message. When I first heard this, I 
	didn't believe it but its true and its going to change your 
	life just the way it changed mine.

	There is a nuclear attack on the way. Lie under the nearest
	table with a paper bag over your head.

	Thanks
	The Gen.

OK, next group."

Private: "T minus 1 and I'm outta here"

Corp: "Alt.abuse, sir"

General: "OK. Dear abusers. I haven't posted here before but I have
been interested in abuse for a long time......."

As the bombs rained down, the General kept posting his news to usenet
until his fingers bled. He died at his post while trying to advise the
denizens of alt.aol-sucks that AOL didn't really suck and was actually
very good if you wanted to use the internet to warn the world of
impending nuclear disaster.

As the survivors crawled from the rubble of their shattered lives,
they rejoiced to see that they, the cockroaches and the AOL disks had
indeed survived. As they logged back onto their internet connections,
which had timed out while they were lying under the table, they were
delighted to find that there were still thousands of opportunities to
make money fast and get a free copy of their credit report. (Of
course, AOL had to re-program their computers to accept "I told you
so" instead of "Me too" but that was a small price to pay.
	

..........or something. Sorry. I seem to have gone just ever so
slightly off topic.


>>If your tape is of the same broadcast as mine, all you'll see is Eddie in the
>>grass with "Thanks Dad" (good one, although I think Pedro gets a tough knock
>>from most of us just from pure envy, he _is_ faster than Damon ("The Original
>>Thanks Dad", on occasion) collecting it and moving on.
>>
>>There's _no_ fact to check there...  So, how could you get it wrong ?

Oooooooo Kaaaaaaayyyy. So I'm right then? I thought as much.