From: "James A. Wolf" Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc] WOTP: "I Am A Very Good Driver." Date: 25 Sep 1998 22:46:07 GMT Subject: WOTP: "I Am A Very Good Driver." From: "Chris Gleason" Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Howdy. Wanted to share this fun little tidbit from work tonight before I head off to bed. The quotations are probably not word-for-word exact, but I guarantee they're damned close. There's no way I'm forgetting this conversation. Fellow calls in from Flushing, NY. He needs comprehensive and collision coverages to get his new car off the dealer's lot. "I am a very good driver," he says. The fact that he was a NY cabbie buying his first private vehicle should have been the tip-off to me. When it came time for me to ask him about his driving record: "Have you had any accidents, regardless of fault, in the past five years?" "*mumble mumble mumble* no not in five years I Am A Very Good Driver." Uh-huh. Tickets in the past five years? He tells me he has two tickets. OK, sounds reasonable. He tells me he has a Speeding tic for 50 in a 35 zone ("I was on a bridge I don't know where the cop pulls me over and says 'You are speeding' I say 'I don't know where I am how can I be speeding?' and the asshole gives me the ticket anyway."), and one for an Improper Lane Change ("I was trying to turn right so I pulled into the next lane and the cop pulls me over saying I could not change lanes there I don't know why I Am A Very Good Driver."). Both of these minor transgressions are while he was driving people around as a Very Good Driving NY cabbie, and both are within the last year. Had a license suspended or revoked in the past ten years? "Revoked? No." "*Suspended* or revoked?" "... "... "... no I Am A Very Good Driver." By this time I know the guy is trying to snow me. What the hell... it's my last call of the night, let's have fun with it. I draw up the policy, and quote him C/C with $1000 deductibles, and the rate is typical for a high-risk driver in New York: about $2400 for six months. His "low down payment" is a mere $600 or so. "Why is it so high my car I promise my car will not be stolen I have an alarm I am very careful I Am A Very Good Driver!" I explain to him that his rate is based on him not having any track record with any personal auto insurance company, his history of tickets, etc. I further explain that if he keeps his record clean with us for a year ("That will be easy I Am A Very Good Driver."), he will be looking at a significant reduction in his premium. His desire to get his car off the lot ASAP gets the best of him. He decides to go for it. Which means I now get to run his motor vehicle report. Tee-hee. To his credit, there were absolutely no accidents on his MVR. But shit-damn if he, whoops!, just forgot the five license suspensions he's had in the past two years. Including the one currently in effect. He also conveniently forgot to mention a ticket for driving without a license. "Sir, I'm currently showing your license is under suspension." "Oh that I had it taken care of." "No, sir, it's currently suspended. As of three days ago. I can't write this policy. I suggest you go to the DMV and clear it up." "I will do that then call you back." "Sir, there's also four other suspensions here you didn't mention." "Yes but they were only for a few days at a time they don't count." *sugh* "There's also a ticket here you didn't mention for driving without a license." "I was not driving without a license it was only lapsed that ticket is bullshit do not count it." "Sir, that's the same as driving without a license." "No it is not I had it with me at the time I was not without a license." *SUGH* His 50 in a 35 was actually 50/30. No big deal there. Here's the kicker: nowhere in his MVR is a ticket for an Improper Lane Change. Instead, on the date he disclosed for the ILC tic, is a tic for Driving On the Sidewalk. "Sir, there's also a ticket here for Driving On the Sidewalk." "I already told you about that." "No, you told me you had a ticket for an Improper Lane Change." "Yes that's what I told you that's what happened." *blink* "Then why is the ticket for driving on the sidewalk?" "Because I was when the cop pulled me over and wrote the ticket." "Then why did you tell me it was for an improper lane change?" ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... wait for it! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... "Because the sidewalk is an improper lane and I pulled onto it so it's an improper lane change yes?" *BLINK* *BLINK* "Please hold." *blip* GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! You know, I just can't argue with that logic. I'll think about that should I ever mow down a bunch of second-graders standing on a street corner. "But, Your Honor! Those children were an improper lane, yes? So this wasn't Gross Vehicular Manslaughter, it was just an Improper Lane Change! After all, I Am A Very Good Driver!" This gentleman is going to be calling back tomorrow to start the insurance, as soon as he gets his license reinstated. He's in for a bit of a surprise, though. Shit-damn if I didn't, whoops!, just forget to tell him that I rejected his application outright. ================================================= After all, I Am A Very Good Agent,