From: Bill Livingston <bill@traveller.com>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc] Re: Happy Birthday, Bryan Lambert!
Date: 14 Mar 2000 07:05:15 GMT

Subject: Re: Happy Birthday, Bryan Lambert! 
From: auriga42@aol.com (Randy Golden)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc

Bryan the Merciless decreed:
>On 10 Mar 2000 10:11:39 GMT, auriga42@aol.com (Randy Golden) wrote:
>>Happy happy b-day, Bryan!  just be thankful I chose not to
>>contribute to the Bryan Lambert All-Singing, All-Dancing Tribute Thread.
>>Trust me, my wretched take on Husker Du's "Diane" would have been a hurtful 
>>thing to behold.
>
>Golden, when I take my place as rightful and sole owner of this puny,
>pathetic orb you call Earth, I'm going to want you at my left hand.
>
>And I'll give you Australia.

Yeah!  Okay, I can work with this.

*ahem*

As future ruler of Australia, henceforth shall the forthcoming proclamations 
be previewed by the duly governed body, in order that they receive a sneak 
preview of what is to come:

--Paul Hogan shall be summarily executed.

--Midnight Oil shall be named my Joint Chiefs of Staff, and "The Burning 
Heart" shall be our new National Anthem.

--Yahoo Serious shall be even more summarily executed.

--Eddie Campbell shall be named our Poet Laureate.

--George Lazenby shall be *so* summarily executed.

--Russell Crowe shall be awarded the newly-created-by-me Australian Medal of
Honor for his works, and shall play me in my inevitable autobiographical
movie.

--INXS will be encouraged to reform and continue to record with the new lead
singer of their choice.  If we must go to war to secure their selection, so 
be it.  HOWEVER, if they select Sammy Hagar, they shall be summarily 
executed--Kirk, Garry, AND all the Farriss brothers, too.

--Mel Gibson shall receive some kind of mid-level honor to be named later. 
HOWEVER, one teeny tiny inkling of an inclination of "Lethal Weapon 5", and 
he shall be summarily executed.

--"The Rescuers Down Under" shall be required viewing for all citizens.

--Hugo Weaving shall receive $20 million each for appearing in "The Matrix 2 
& 3", or we go to war.

--Hugh Jackman will be placed on probationary status: if the X-Men movie 
sucks, he shall be summarily executed.  If it rocks, he gets a medal.  And 
a cookie.

--Pet koalas for everyone!

And someone better build a statue of Brak in order to pay respect to The
Lambert, his authoritah, and his big shoes.  It's only fair.

>Bryan "Conditional on you continuing not to post it" Lambert

Done and done.

Randy G--
[wads up lyrics to "Bryan" and swallows]