From: Ka On Lee Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.flight-sim] Sex, Lies, and No Free Multi-player Date: 17 Jul 1998 06:34:26 GMT Subject: Sex, Lies, and No Free Multi-player From: gun-slinger@mindspring.com (°°° Gunslinger °°°) Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.flight-sim Sorry a little off-topic here but I have a nagging question. Why do we allow game developers to lie to us? About 4 months ago I got the hankering for a good multi-player war sim. Mind you I wasn't looking for realism so the few I did look at were; Air Warrior 3, F-22 Raptor, Soldiers at War, and Red Alert. Well ALL of them spouted FREE!!! Online play! with a bright Yellow sticker. Well, I feel I am a pretty smart guy, so yes I DID read all the info on the box after the FREE* part. no WHERE on the box for Air Warrior 3 did it say that you had to pay a damn dime. It said FREE multi-player with hundreds of people at once. So I pick up AW3 and Soldiers at War (SAW claimed free play on M-Player) Well, I get AW3 loaded up, click on the Play AW3 Online link and guess what the hell I see next? A stupid Credit card billing screen.. WTF??? It said FREE. Well, no I DON'T HAVE a F*%$&^ credit card! I said ok, maybe I'm missing something here. I call the developers KuaSami (something like that) and ask them where the heck the free online gaming is. Here is the call: >Me: " Yes, I just purchased AW3 retail and on the box it says in >bright bold letters FREE multi-player, yet when I go to the website > to play, it wants my credit card billing information, how >do I access the free part" Tech: " There is only 5 free hours of free play, then you must get the $20 a month to play online." >Me: "But on your box it says FREE. It doesn't say, I get the >standard jerk-off 5 hour AOL crap" Tech: " Well, I don't know why it says that, It is free for 5 hours." >Me: "okay, well I don't have a credit card, so how do I > get this *free* 5 hours?" Tech: "They only accept credit cards for payment" >Me: "oh really, then it isn't free is it? Just give me my 5 free hours, >then I won't play no more, so you don't need my billing information" Tech: "Uh.. let me get my supervisor" >Me: "yeah, you do that" Wait for 10 minutes Tech2 " How can I help you sir?" >Me: "Yeah, I just bought AW3 and on the box is states FREE > online play with 100's of people at once. No where on the box, > or IN the box for that matter does it say anything about >1) having to have a credit card to play for free, or >2) that it's only the standard 5 free hours that EVERY one > gets regardless if you buy the boxed version" Tech2: (Some unrecognizable gibberish) Tech2: "Sir, we don't package those games, so we don't have any control over what is put on the box" >Me: "So who do I talk to?" Tech2: "You will have to talk to the store that you bought the game from and if your not happy, get a refund" >Me: "Fat chance of that, I bought it from Best Buy > and they WILL not refund on opened games" Tech2: " Sorry, I don't know what to say" CLICK Now tell me honestly folks, Doesn't this sound like the old bait-and-switch crap? the ONLY reason I bought the worthless game was because it screamed FREE online play. Yeah yeah yeah, I get 5 free hours to play IF i have a credit card, and IF I am willing to give them my mailing address, phone number, and how many times I boned the neighbors daughter.. (I wont tell :) I DONT use credit cards, I never will. I have too many friends that hate the day they got one because of the high interest rate and the easy way of getting into serious debt with one. Now getting to Soldiers at War. Great combat sim. BUT, it has the same damn free multi-player crap on it. It comes with a little flyer inside that says Play now on M-Player for free. Great.. Load up M-Players web site.. I need to d/l a 4 meg files... okay... Huh? I need to update the M-player module. Ok.. after about on hour of it sending me updates and reconfiguring M-player I start looking everywhere for Soldiers at War... Not one damn word.. NO WHERE... This isn't my day. Ok, I send M-player an e-mail.. "Just purchased Soldiers at War, box says free play on M-player, Don't see it anywhere" Response: Soldiers at War is a relatively new product and as of yet we have been unable to test it on our game servers. Please check back often (Once a week) to see if it is available. Folks, its been about 3 1/2 months now.. guess what.. Still not one single word about Soldiers at War on there web site. Well.. if you count the COMING SOOONNNN!!!! bullshit then yeah ok..right...sure... I guess I need to dumb myself down a little and learn to like the mindless drivel games like Quake and Descent. Plenty of that garbage to go around. Does anyone here know what I am feeling? In the end I did get my "sort of" revenge. Yes Best Buy are hard-asses about returns unless your smarter than them. I package the box up real nice, Walk in the store.. Wait in the exchange line for 32 minutes while some High school *female* sits there and gossips to her "friend-girl" about here latest mid-night escapades with junior all the while smacking gum, painting here fingernails neon orange and attempting to take customers exchanges. I get to the counter...finally.. >Me: "Yes mam, I bought this game yesterday and would lie to return it for a refund." (She at this point gets this glazed over look, seems to be staring -through- me, and between neon green bubble gum and braces says:) Her: "I'm sorry sir, we only allow exchanges for the same title on opened software. >Me:" Well I am wanting a refund becuase this product doesn't have what >it claims on the box" (Inset Robotic drone) Her: "I'm sorry sir, we only allow exchanges for the same title on opened software." At this point I know several things that are to my advantage. 1) In the EULA it states that if you do not agree with the license agreement that you can return the software to the store purchased for a full refund. 2) This girl is really, really starting to piss me off. 3) This girl is really, really lazy. So I take route 1. I attempt in the simplest terms to her explain the EULA agreement, even showing here the part in the EULA. I then explain to her that I don't agree with the EULA and would like my money back. (Insert yet another Robotic tone) Her: "I'm sorry sir, we only allow exchanges for the same title on opened software. So now I move onto step 3 because step 2 solution would only get me locked up for assault and battery on a mindless dribble. SO I say: >Me: Look I can see your really busy, so I can I just >go over there and swap out this box for another, of the same title of course? (Insert sound of her brain trying to click.. then total shut-down...) Her: "Yeah.. (Gum smack) that would be (Gum smack) fine..." As I walk away I hear "And Then we got on the floor and he said he wanted to....." I'm grinning from ear to ear because I know I have this silly girl fooled.. HAHAHHA I laugh as I walk over to the software section.. Pick up the new AW3 box.. walk back to the exchange line.. D'OH! another 20 minute wait... Keep calm.. c a l m... 20 minutes later we find the infamous Gunslinger back at the desk getting sprayed with spit form Mrs. Ima Slut Gum Smacker. She scans my box (opened).. She scans the new box.. Hands me my receipt.. hands me the new un-opened box.. I then proceed to walk out.. Go get a burger. (its close to 4pm so I know that shift change is coming up and Mrs. Orange Nails can't wait to get home to her future Wife beater.) Ok 4:15 pm.. Back in line with an un-opened box and a receipt. >Me: "Yes mam, I bought this game yesterday and hehhe silly me..I already have >this game at home... You know those computers are so hard to figure out..hehehhe" New Her: "Yeah hehehe (Silly girl laugh) they sure are.. Do you have a receipt thingy?" (I got your thingy right here....wink wink) >Me: "Yeah here you go.." New Her: Ok, just fill out this form with your name, address, and phone number, then sign down below" (ok Name:_ Daffy Duck... address: Anywhere But Here Street Phone:_Home ET.. Signature:_ George Bush) Ring ring goes the cash register, I get my $50 back and walk quickly out. Yes, our Superhero Gunslinger has once again defeated evil. He has once again been against impossible odds and for the good of mankind has prevailed. (Cut to scene of Gunslinger driving away into the yellow red smog sunset of ........rush hour traffic.......... but that is another story for another day)