From: Mike Stucka Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [chi.general] Ameritech Commercial Date: 12 Jan 1998 21:58:00 -0700 [Submitter's note: This is in response to a recent Ameritech cellphone commercial, but you pick up the context from this article.] Subject: Re: Ameritech Commercial From: jorn@mcs.com (Jorn Barger) Newsgroups: chi.general Directed by: Joel and Ethan Coen A LONELY ROAD, BLANKETED WITH SNOW Stark in the early morning light by the side of the road is a stalled car, trunk open, a woman's crumpled body on the frozen ground. A single set of footprints trail a considerable distance down the shoulder, to a man in a dark overcoat, lying face up. Marge, eight months pregnant, prods the man's body with her shoe. MARGE Froze stiff as a haddock, this one. No sign of foul play that I can see... So you figger he just froze...? LOU Yah, woulda been plenty cold out here last night... She looks up. MARGE And you said the woman...? Lou, up on the shoulder, jerks his thumb. LOU Back there a good piece, by the vehicle. Kind of a mess, if you ask me... Marge waddles slowly back to the stalled car, and bends over the body. Lou follows. MARGE Ah, geez. So... Aw, geez. So here's your homicide... These deep square marks to the head and the... hand there, I guess that's a defensive wound. Okay. Marge looks around at the road. MARGE So... is *that* the murder weapon? LOU Yah, looks like it... a waffle iron... MARGE Okay... so we got a couple stalls their car on a deserted highway ...you figgered it was about four last evening? And then we got a domestic altercation... She blames him for the fix they're in, and it looks like she wasn't any too nice about it, so we got an unpremeditated attack... LOU ...with a waffle iron? MARGE Ohh... wait... I think I'm getting it now... LOU You think you know why he didn't just brain her with their tire iron? MARGE Uh, no... I just, I think I'm gonna barf. LOU Geez, you okay, Margie? MARGE I'm fine - it's just morning sickness. She gets up, sweeping snow from her knees. MARGE ...Well, that passed. LOU Yah? MARGE Yah. Now I'm hungry again. ...And I think I see what happened. She had the waffle iron in her purse... it's new... he gave it to her for Christmas... but what woman wants a waffle iron these days? LOU Howdya figger, Margie? MARGE Prolly she asked for... a *cellphone* ...and she was teasing him that the waffle iron wouldn't get them out of the fix they was in... maybe she was even talkin inta it like it *was* a phone... and he just blew his stack... LOU And brained her... yah, I don't know how ya do it, Margie... MARGE Too bad folks can't just get along... Let's go get some more breakfast... Hold, fade out...