From: Zebee Johnstone Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [aus.motorcycles] PI 500 story Date: 16 Oct 1997 09:41:01 -0700 Subject: Re: PI 500 story From: Sam Michaelson Newsgroups: aus.motorcycles Dey Alexander wrote: > "Geoffrey Hansford" wrote: > > >When I asked (not very calmly) what the hell the driving instructor > was > >doing he said Oh yes I saw you but If I interfere and take control of > the > >brakes then the student automatically fails their license test! > There is > >something bloody wrong here people. > > What a great feat of reasoning! If I hadn't been sitting down when > reading that, I'd have fallen over. > > >The driving instructor says why am I so upset! After all she just > didn't > >see you :(( > > > >AND THIS WOMAN TEACHES OTHER PEOPLE TO DRIVE #$%#@ > >(pardon caps) > > We're fighting a losing battle folks, a losing battle. > > Unless SwamiSam can come up with some kind of incantation to get those > > synapses firing in the driving instructor population... *Hey, Samasvati, you're up! Oi, you, Towel-head, I'm talking to you! Get down here and post. How often have I asked you not to levitate over there, damn, you've knocked the test tubes over again. Look, what are you doing up there, anyway?* *Peace and light ki to you, Cyborg, my sister in The Faith, I am trying to formulate a weather charm for Kahu, but I'm getting shocking interference from the Astral Plane; I keep picking up SBS - oh, goodness me, there's some pretty salacious stuff here, and I don't want it to get mixed up with the charm, or it could be potentially embarrassing in heavy traffic. Kahu has the most amazing aura I've ever seen on a cruiser, you know, it's gunmetal blue with an obsidian edge, crinkly and sharp, like a kit-kat wrapper, and....* *Yes, yes, unscientific but very nice, look, Dey wants you to give a brain to driving instructors. I can't do it. Teaching sensible road behaviour to some drivers is just beyond the capability of modern science.* *Alas, I fear that it is impossible for my modest talents also. Dispel bad karma, yes. Channel spirits from Beyond The Veil, yes. Unlock the Caring Yang Mechanic within us all, yes (for a very modest fee - workshop details available soon, send your deposits now!). Curse whole sub-populations, definitely. But educate people who drive around in cars for a living? I fear not. Perhaps you should wait until God next cruises through this incarnation and ask Her.* *Oi, don't look at Me! Jeezuz, why this pathetic tendency to blame Me, then curse Me, then come running to Me when stuff goes wrong? Get your shit together, humanity, you think you're so much better than your primate ancestors, start acting like rational higher intellects. Anyway, cars are nothing to do with Me - we didn't invent them Up Here, if you know what I mean. And that story of the driving instructor definitely has the reek of You-Know-Who about it. I'll check with him next week at canasta, if you like, but I've been on and on at him for ages about those Volvo things, but he reckons they're some of his finest work ever and his bottom lip goes into a wobble and he refuses to take it back. I've been thinking of recruiting those loonies who are all worked up about vandalising that photo 'Piss Christ', and setting them to doing something really useful about Volvos instead. Meanwhile have you thought of consulting Sa'am Dach Nuch NagKargenthl Splf?* *I fear she would be of little help in the brain generating department, O Manifestation Of Pragmatic Godheadedness. Wreaking Holy Havoc is more her style. And her English is less than fantastic. The last time I asked her for a deposit on a karma rebuild, she let a bloody tiger loose in my teepee, then grinned at me and rumbled "Kittee-katt!" The wretched animal dug up all my Alternative Tomato Plants! Then it took me weeks of ommming to get the stains out of the carpet. And I don't want to go into the details of the disgusting exercise that is changing the litter tray.....* *All right, all right, the question here is, what can we do about the driving instructor thing?* *Take it from Me, not a lot. Dickheads in cars, like the poor, will always be with us* *Thanks a lot, useful as tits on a bull, You are, as omnipotent entities go - any more divine pearls of wisdom You'd care to cast before us lowly rock-apes?* *Fuck off, you smartarse scientist, or I'll never tell you how that DNA damage thing works* Hiya Dey, Apparently, there's not a lot that can be done about it from this angle. I'd go with the people who are calling for the heavy weaponry approach. You cannot work with what doesn't exist, i.e. these people are obviously brainless, and therefore have no synapses to fire anyway. Somethings just are impossible, e.g. teaching hippos to fly, teaching tigers to live on mung beans, and teaching any sort of intelligent behaviour to some cage drivers. But we knew that. Sam (Boadicea's Mummy) *Hey, careful, you lot, I've just had this belly pan repaired, already! Er, Samasvati, I think Shiva has done something in the pot-plant again.....*