From: fleger@nbnet.nb.ca Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [rec.arts.comics.dc.universe] Crappy deaths for Batman Date: 8 Nov 1997 18:46:27 GMT Subject: Crappy deaths for Batman From: crisper@shell15.ba.best.com (Crisper Than Thou) Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.dc.universe andrew (MELBOURNE) wrote: > >Screw that, too. Heroes should die really crappy deaths sometimes. If >they're going to kill Batman, I say have him slip on the soap in his >shower. Top Ten Crappy Deaths For Batman 9. Slips on soap in shower. Bleeds to death from skull trauma. Alfred tidies up, takes on Batman mantle himself. Nobody ever knows. 8. Crashes Batmobile while chasing purse-snatcher who is on foot. The one time he didn't buckle up. Lesson for the kiddies. 7. While drinking apple juice disguised as champagne, contracts e.coli infection. Odwalla sues DC, ties up courts for years. 6. Trips, falls over Bane's knee, gets back broken. Oh, wait... 5. Steps on exposed wiring in antiquated Batsignal hardware. Gets electrocuted along with Gordon and several others. 4. Bought batcable rope from now-defunct company with poor quality control. Isn't actually rated for 300 lbs. Rope snaps while crossing between two 40-story buildings. 3. Batarang bounces off very-well-armored villain, strikes Bats in the somewhat-less-well-armored face. Drives bone splinters into brain. 2. Leaves Batmobile idling while doing "some quick checking" on the Batcave supercomputer. Poor ventilation leads to carbon monoxide poisoning and eventual death by suffocation. 1. Brain aneurism while hosting big charity fundraiser at Wayne Manor. Tips over, face first, into soup tureen, and is left there until the coroner takes the body away. Lots of pictures get taken. 0. Justice Leaguers all get drunk on generic rum. Superman goads them into his favorite hick-town bravado game, "lay down on center divider line of highway as 18-wheelers roar by on each side." Only Supes lives.