From: deepstblu Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [alt.fan.cecil-adams] Re: Dinosaur Cancer Date: 2 Jul 2000 17:10:38 GMT Subject: Re: Dinosaur Cancer From: Michael Lorton Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams huey@interaccess.com (Gary S. Callison) writes: > Michael Lorton (mlorton@civetsystems.com) wrote: > : A friend of mine told me that Komodo dragons (a particularly large, > : particularly nasty monitor lizard, roughly the size and the social > : skills of a Nile crocodile) hunt that way: a dragon bites its prey, > : then follows the victim around as it sickens from the pathogens in the > : dragon's saliva until it's too weak to resist. > : > : Somehow the idea of the enormous lizard follow you about struck me as > : very funny. A tourist goes to the island of Komodo, gets bitten by a > : dragon. The dragon follows the tourist back to his hotel, then to the > : airport, and onto the plans. Shot of feverish tourist in first class, > : track back to coach, where the dragon, disguised in dark sunglasses > : and a baseball hat, patiently snacks on airline peanuts. The plane > : touches down at JFK where the victim is met by friends; the dragon > : slinks past baggage claim and grab a cab, tailing the tourist from a > : discreet distance. Finally, the tourist is semiconscious in his own > : bed while the dragon, now in a trenchcoat and smoking a cigarette, > : lurks in the shadows of the alley across the street. > > So THAT's what happened to Gary Larson! You've killed him and stolen his > brain! SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS! A friend of mine had a bald cat. It was one of those weirdo hairless cats (a Devon Rex), actually a very nice creature. We decided what the cat needed was a TATTOO. A tough sailor tattoo on one haunch. But what kind of tattoo? And who better to ask, we further decided, than Gary Larson? I was going to write to him, explain about the bald cat, he'd know. I got his address, but before I actually got around to writing, two things happened. One was that the cat's owner and I ceased to be friends (he was considerably weirder than his cat); the other was that I thought up, on my own, the right tattoo. I never got a chance to use it, of course, but it was perfect: "Fur Is Murder"