From: kamak@earthlink.net (Adam Haun)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan] TAN: The Next Fantasy Release (Mature Audiences Only)
Date: 2 Oct 1998 16:45:28 GMT

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Subject: TAN: The Next Fantasy Release (Mature Audiences Only) 
From: mloy@indyvax.iupui.edu (Mark Loy)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan

First there was, _The Thigh of the World_ then the epic, _The Great Cunt_,
followed by the classic, _The Dragon, Reblown, follwed by the lusty
_The Shadow Rising_, and then the incomparable, _The Fucks of Heaven_,
which led to, _The Lord of Cock-n-Ass_, and lastly the super naughty,
_A Crown of Love Swords_.

Now, after nearly two years in production, finally, for the fantasy
adult cinema lover in us all, we have the epic XXX fantasy...

_A Path of Buggers_!

Penthouse Magazine rates this jewel Five Big Pricks!  Playboy calls it,
"A tour de force in the triple X-rated genre not seen since the classic,
_Lord of the Cock Rings_ trilogy."  Hustler gives it their highest, "So
fuckin' good I'd suck their _daddy's_ dick" rating.  Locus says, "It'll
move you in ways that will require changing of personal undergarments for
not purely hygenic reasons."  Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine says,
"We don't get it."  Field and Stream says, "Shiiit...beats the fuck
outta jerkin' off watchin' reruns of Grizzly Adams." And Biker Sluts
magazine says, "You call that buncha panzi-assed bullshit a fuck flick?
Yeah right.  My mom makes better fuck flicks than that.  Which reminds
me, gotta go see mommy later today..."

And now, as a special service to you, we offer the following pre-release
preview of this soon to be classic of erotic fantasy.

<The scene opens with Matrim Cauthon buried under a mountain of
rubble...>

"Shit.  Bloody damn wall fell on my head.  What a pisser."

"Oh, are you hurt, kind sir?"

"What?  No.  Well, maybe.  My head's fine but I seem to have injured my
groin area.  Damn the luck."

"Oh no!  Here, let me see if I can be of help."

<insert music>

"Oh yeah.  Yeah.  That seems to be making it feel _all_ better."

<slurp, slurp, suckle, suckle, suckle suckle suckle slurp>

"Oh yeah.  You uh...you no how to make a man feel all better, don't
you?"

<mumble mumble>

"What's that sugar?"

"I said...patooey!  I said that I was feeling a little down in the dumps
myself and could use some help, too."

"Yeah?  Shit, I wish Perrin was here as he really knows how to take care
of a woman."

"Did you call me, Mat?"

"Perrin, ol' chum.  Could you help me out here as this lady is in dire
need of aid."

"Yes, yes, please...aid me."

"Not a problem...just go on with Mat and I'll get behind and see if I
can figure out something to make you feel more perky."

<insert more music>

<time passes>

<position of the sun changes, position of the men changes>

"Yeah!  Oh yes.  You are some piece of ass, let me tell you."

"Perrin!  How dare you fuck someone without me."

"Faile!  Sorry, hon...Mat needed me and I never let a friend down."

"It's always Mat, isn't it?  Oh well, here let me see if I can help
Mat out."

<more music>

<more action>

<obligatory climactic ending>

<everyone puts on their clothes>

"Well I guess I'll get back to Rand."

"Thanks again, Perrin."

"Come along, Faile, and let's head home."

"See you later, big guy.  Well, in all the heat of the moment I forgot
to find out your name."

"It's Felatia, milord, princess of the realm, daughter of the Nine
Moons."

"Huh?  No shit?  Why, I'm supposed to marry you.  Damn my luck."

"Really, milord?  Well then, if we're supposed to marry then we'd better
get to the castle for the ceremonial orgy of acceptance."

<sigh>  "Oh well, can't buck fate forever, lead on, Felatia.  Lead
on."

<scene shifts to Rand's camp where he is talking to one of the Aiel
Wise Ones>

"We have the aes sedai tied up over there and are keeping our eye on
them."

"Make sure that you do.  They can be treacherous."

"We are not treacherous.  Untie us and we will show you that we can be
trusted."

"Untie them, and let them show their subserviance to me."

<insert music>

"Here, let me show you just how much I can be trusted."

"Oh yeah, that's pretty trusting.  Yeah, yeah...that's some trust there,
baby.  Oh yeah..."

<much slurping and licking and general slobbering insues>

"We exist only to serve you Rand."

<more serving occurs>

"What's this," says Min, "you would have them serve you and not show
there obedience to me?"

"Oh we beg your forgiveness, mistress, let us make amends and show you
just how much we would serve you _both_."

<more music...more serving>

"Oh yeah, you aes sedai babes can really throw it out."

"She...she...she is quite convincing, Rand" said Min.

"Is she ever."

<the inevitable conclusion comes to all>

"Well, okay...you don't have to be tied up anymore.  But if you displease
me I will have to resort to spanking."

"Spanking?  Oh no...not a spanking.  Please, master, not that.
Anything but that."

"A spanking?" asked Lan, "did I hear someone say something about a
spanking?"

"That you did, Lan, how goes it with you?"

"Oh same oh same oh.  Wait...wait a second...apparently Myrelle is
engaging in some kinda of activity with her other warders.  Oh
yeah...that's...that's a pretty nice..."

"You mean you haven't broken your bond to Myrelle?  What does Nynaeve
say about this?"

"Say about what?" said Nynaeve.

"The bond, Lan can feel everything that Myrelle is doing through the
bond."

"Of course.  You mean...is she...oh, I see...Lan, honey...let us retire
to our tent to discuss this more thoroughly."

"Yes, let's.  But hurry."

<scene shifts to the inside of Lan's tent>

"Oh yes, Myrelle!"

<split screen where you can see Lan and Nynaeve _and_ Myrelle, miles away,
engaged in multiple sexual consort with two of her warders>

<Nynaeve gets involved with Lan>

<a loop occurs where the feedback is intense>

Myrelle screams, "Nynaeve!  Yes, suck me off!"

Lan screams, "My tits...don't forget my tits!'

Myrelle's warders yell, "Oh yeah, fuck us up the ass, Lan."

Lan moans, "Come on, Myrelle, sit on my face...yes...now wriggle you
aes sedai whore, you!!"

Myrelle says, "Oh god my lips are sucking my own cunt!!"

Lan screams, "Oh yeah, suck my clit!"

Myrelle screams, "Oh god...my dick...suck it...fuck me with it."

<Myrelle's warders suddenly spontaneously combust>

"Shit," says Myrelle, "I lose more good warders that way."

Lan yells, "God my pussy is so fuckin' tight!"

Nynaeve finishes.

Lan finishes.

Myrelle finishes and uses the one power to clean up the remnants of her
warders off the bed.

"Wow...that was great, hon."

"Your welcome," says both Nynaeve and Myrelle.

"But god damn if I my nipples aren't chafed something fierce."



<end of preview>




Be sure to see the full cinematic release of...

_A Path of Buggers_

...when it comes in October.