From: Chris Tracy Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [dfw.eats] buffalo warning Date: 14 Nov 1997 19:59:00 -0700 Subject: buffalo warning From: Thurman Newsgroups: dfw.eats Always alert to f/g/c (fat, grease and cholesterol) I have tried buffalo steaks at Reunion Tower and a wild game restaurant in Vail. Reunion Tower version was great at ~20$ but the Vail steak @ 60$ was not edible. My wife has tried and liked emu and ostrich burgers, but they are just too dry for me. So, for a month, after eating at La Hacienda ranch in Colleyville, I wanted to return to try the buffalo burger or wild boar quesadilla. Every time we go there, the wait is an hour so we go somewhere else. Yesterday I was headed for McKinney so I called my partner to suggest buffalo at La Hacienda Ranch in Frisco. Out of the four of us there, 3 ordered the buffalo burger served w/ steak fries and pintos. The taste was good. It had more grease than I expected, but it was better than beef. Then my partner called this am to inquire about after effects. I told him that I had spent most of the afternoon pawing at the ground and passing gas. He had experienced the same thing. Apparently the secret to low f/g/c is that we get a 100% conversion from buffalo to gaseous molecules. This isn't that 'my stomach feels bloated' kinda thing. It's more of a 'what sneaked up on me' surprise totally beyond your control. You're just sitting there in an ergonomic office chair that fits your wedgie, concentrating on why HotBot is taking so long to find Win95 screen capture routines when you sense that a blast of dragon breath went completely thru the seat of the chair and rusted the pneumatic tube that controls seat height. There's just no control. An apparent side effect is a numbing of the sphincter muscles like deadening in the dentist office. Sure, there's a strong urge to kinda sloop forward and rub a wedgie from between your cheeks in a door frame but that's controllable. I'm talking about a silent killer here. When my partner called this am, I told him I know what exterminated the American Indians. They were lined up 90 degrees to the wind having those buffalo burgers when the winded shifted. His son had taken he and his wife to the McKinney City gymnasium yesterday to show how he had revamped it. Bruce walked into the basketball court by himself and the 'thundering herd symptom' hit him. He thought he was all right since he was alone, but the first thing visitors to the gym did was look for road kill beneath the bleachers. I checked with the 3rd guy. It wasn't a major issue at his house. His wife did make him sleep in the garage in the Suburu station wagon. It was a bit cold since he had to keep the windows rolled down. Then there was also the fear that the gas hot water pilot might ignite the buffalo gas and he'd never see his family again. I do see alot of positive things here. In the late 70s, Delta Airlines served Lone Star beer between Boston and Dallas. I discovered that the minerals in the brewing water would give diarrhea to an Ivy league Yankee in about 30 minutes. So every time someone I didn't like traveled from Boston to Dallas with me, I couldn't wait to buy them a couple of Lone Star's. By the time we landed they had taken up permanent residence in the head. We need to carefully avoid the buffalo burgers while providing them to target victims. I can see substituting buffalo for beef in the county jails. It will reduce the population and create disincentive.